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Funtastic Slamaganza [Aug. 29th, 2011|01:21 pm]
The Funtastic Slamaganza WAS a funtastically ganza-slamming good time!

Everything was literally perfect from beginning to end, EXCEPT meeting these terrible bitches that were really bringing me down, but that happened before the show even started. They had a too-cool-to-be-excited-about-anything attitude, particularly the group leader, who made sure to not-so-subtly mention her encounters with Darren Criss and such. It was suuuuch a buzzkill. Instead of actually showing any happiness or excitement about the night at hand, all they (she, really) could do was focus on everyone else's behavior, how young everyone else was, and how incredibly mature she was. Too bad she was so preoccupied with how she looked to everyone else to actually have any fun. She would even make these comments like, "I just got divorced, so that's how I got money!" Like, bitch, I don't give a fuck if you're divorced, but based on your terrible personality, I can see why you are. Go back to Texas.

Anyway, after getting our tickets, we were able to mingle with the rest of the crowd and ended up meeting some really great, nice, down-to-earth Starkid fans, so that was sweet. The show itself was INCREDIBLE. First of all, Holly and I were in the very front row. The VERY front! So that was unbelievably exciting. Everyone on stage was soooo close, we could see the sweat on their foreheads, lol. There were a few reoccurring skits, like Joe Walker coming out as a failed clown. Hiiiiilarious. He was really committed, too, because he intentionally faceplanted into a tiny cup of water and landed on his wrist, then purposely tripped over the (speaker?) right off the stage onto the floor. He was totally deadpan and it was so funny, as well as adoooorable. Matt Lang and Corey Lubowich did a magic act where Matt was a failed magician, (lots of intentional fail going on that night) and Matt's humor was so incredibly dry, it was amazing. He does contribute a ton in the writing of their musicals, as well as direct, so of course he's a hilarious guy. At one point he jokingly asked for an audience member's winter scarf to use in his act, of course assuming that no one would have one, but somebody did! He was like, "Um. I don't know if I remember how to do this trick..." but he pulled it off. Meredith Stepien came out and did some stand up comedy about the other members of Starkid, and told us about how Joe is like the babysitter, always changing everyone's dirty diapers because they're all like babies, how Darren is so dramatic whenever he gets sick ("I can't move my arms and legs!"), how Lauren is allergic to dairy and gluten and still wants to eat all the snacks they get but regrets it later, etc. It was great. There was this series of videos from a fake reality show called So You Think You Can Glance, where Denise Donovan played the glance instructor, coaching the teams on glance moves. It was all clearly improvised and really, really funny. She is hilarious. It was the same kind of ditsy demeanor she had in Starship, and I think that might be pretty close to her actual everyday personality.

Then of course, there were tons of singalongs!!! They did some of the BEST songs. Four of the boys (I think Joe, Brian, Dylan and maybe Corey?) sang The Coolest Girl ("Weeee aaaaare the coolest girls in the whole wide world!"), Dylan and Meredith sang The Way I Do, Dylan & others performed Kick It Up a Notch (AMAAAAAZING), the whole cast did Voldemort is Going Down, Joe performed Stutter and the whole group came out to do the sassy choreographed routine they did at LeakyCon, Dylan and Joe sang Gettin' Along, Joe and Lauren & the rest did Get Back Up, then Dylan sat down at the edge of the stage literally directly in front of Holly and I, I mean mere inches away, and pratically sang directly to us -- but I guess I was so excited that I completely forgot what song he sang! Lmao. But I'm PRETTY SURE it was Life, from Starship, but not positive. I just can't remember! I know it was a slow song, though. They ended the whole show with the entire group coming out to sing Beauty.

Also, Dylan, Brian, Lauren, Meredith, and their bass player, Mark Swiderski, apparetly have a band called Jim and the Povolos. They performed a few original songs, which were so fun, folksy and catchy, I wish they would release an album because I'd definitely buy it. The sad thing was, I looked around and tons of girls were just sitting there with blank faces because they weren't performing something Starkid-related, and it was kinda sad. I was really into the music, they are such creative and talented people. Dylan and Mark also performed a Bob Dylan cover, which was really pretty. They also asked everyone to get up and dance, which was mostly awkward, but it was still fun.

Let's see... am I forgetting anything else from the show? Probably. They showed a "trailer" for A Very Potter Senior Year, which got a big reaction from the audience, but it may not actually happen, we'll just have to wait until 2012 and see. Overall, a terrific show, I literally smiled the entire time, until my cheeks hurt. I enjoyed it so, so, so much! I don't even mind that I paid 40 bucks for the ticket, or that I spent another 15 on a raffle that I didn't win, because all the money went to a great cause, and I truly had an amazing time.

After the show, things just kept being amazing. All the Starkids came out into the lobby to meet everyone, and instead of rushing to our favorite Starkids, Holly and I strategically went to whomever had the smallest group around them at the time. It worked out perfectly, because we were able to meet and talk to every single one. I brought a bag full of monster and zombie finger puppets, and each time I handed one to a Starkid, they were like "Hell yeah!" or like "That's awesome!" and seemed legitimately excited to get that as a gift, so that was fun. We met Lauren first, my second time meeting her, but my first time getting a hug or picture, or getting to talk to her for more than a second. She is so teeny tiny and beeeauuuutiful in real life! She also has a really sweet and inviting personality, and is this little bundle of fun. When I gave her the zombie finger puppet, she said, "Oh! That's the scariest thing I've ever seen." Lol. Matt was nice but awkward and hates being in pictures. Denise Donovan was so quirky and smiley and friendly. She loved the finger puppet and took a picture with Holly as though it was coming to attack them. She kept rubbing its 6 little monster arms against her cheek, it was so cute. Dylan was super nice and sweet, perhaps the biggest sweetheart out of any of the Starkids, and asked for our names before he signed his autograph. He is just this lovably teddy bear of a guy, and for the second time, left me with this warm, happy feeling when I walked away from him. Meredith is absolutely insane in real life. I think she might actually have a screw loose, lol. No, but really, she is such a crazy theater kid. She makes weird sounds when you walk up to her, and strange faces, and does so many odd things, it's fantastic! For my autograph, she drew a little picture of the finger puppet that I gave her, then wrote "yay!" and her name. For Holly, she drew what looked like a happy piece of toast. I love her. I met Brian for the second time and he was super cute, kinda awkward, but very nice. He seemed very appreciative of all the people that came and kept telling people he hoped they had a great time. I told him about Joe and Joey coming into my store and he said, "Oh yeah, they told me they met a fan there!" He also liked the zombie finger puppet, lol. When Holly went in for a picture, he made a joke about her looking like Waldo because she was wearing a red and white striped shirt, then did an exaggerated fake laugh, then said, "Take a picture of me laughing!" So I did. Hilarious. Jamie Lyn was about to leave the building when she made eye contact with me, then rushed over and said, "I remember you!!!" I was like, "You do? ...From C2E2?" and she was like, "Yeah!!" I don't know how that's possible because our interaction at C2E2 was SO brief but it's so awesome that I somehow made an impact! (Probably because of the shirt I made? idk). She is probably the sweetest out of all the girls, no question. She's also super quirky irl. It was awesome meeting her again! We met Nick quickly, because they were about to kick everyone out, but he was nice. He also said his zombie finger puppet was the scariest thing he's ever seen, lol.

THE BEST PART THOUGH. THE BEST PART. Was meeting Joe again. When it was my turn, I was like, "So how's the lava lamp working out for you?" and he was like, "The lava lamp... is amazing." Or maybe he said great, or who knows, but it was awesome. But then, the best thing happened. He said, so loudly, in front of this gigantic group of anxious girls, "THAT'S where I know you from! I saw you in the audience and you looked so familiar but I couldn't remember where I knew you from!" He was so energetic and excited, it was amazing. I was like, "Well since you and Joey liked the store so much, I brought you these finger puppets," and he was like, "Fuck yeah! The ones we bought are up on our mantle!" And I was like, "You said you would come back to the store!" and he was like "Well the need hasn't really arisen yet but you never know!" and then I asked him about when the Redvines web series was going to go up, and he was like, "I know! I need to start working on it, I might start working on it tomorrow," and I was said jokingly, "It's not like you're busy or anything," and he laughed and was like "Yeah!" It was just incredible. He totally remembered me and even picked me out of the crowd! It was just insane and he was sooooooooo freaking nice and personable. He's just a goofy, nice guy. His personality kinda reminds me of, like, Neil or something. He seems like the kind of person that I could easily be friends with under other circumstances.

Anyway, after the whirlwind of the evening was over, Holly and I went and got a drink at Meredith's favorite place, The Holiday Club, and then went to the Golden Nugget to eat breakfast food at midnight. It was an amazing, fantastic, fun-as-fuck day and I can't WAIT for the next Starkid event, whenever that may be. I love them, they are soooo ridiculously awesome, and... yeah. They're just the shit. Fan 4 lyfe, yo.
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(no subject) [Jun. 3rd, 2011|11:49 pm]
 This is random but I have no idea where to vent, and I need to vent.

I am so fucking embarrassed to be an American. I'm not saying anywhere else, specifically, is better, but right now I am pretty ashamed to call myself an American citizen. And it's all because of this country's imbecilic refusal to separate church and state. 

I know this is lame, but all this rage was brought on by watching the season 2 finale of Sister Wives, a show about a polygamous family. To sum it up, as soon as this show premiered last year, literally the DAY after the season premiere, the town of Lehi, Utah (where they live) started a criminal investigation against the family, which they then passed on to the Utah Attorney General. Since that day, this amazing, loving, kind, generous, close family, who are totally normal in every respect save for the fact that there are 4 completely happy and consensual wives, has lived in total fear from being threatened by their government. How is there any justice in that? Just watching the show proves that there is no abuse, no one (ESPECIALLY the children) is getting hurt, and that there's no criminal activity of any kind. I have learned so much and become so open-minded about polygamous families, and the show has given me nothing but positive enlightenment. Why, then, is this family being punished and persecuted? It's just so infuriating! The season finale was about the family moving to Las Vegas, where they think their lifestyle might be tolerated better by the Nevada government, even though there is no polygamous community for them to join. During the entire 42-minute episode, it was nothing but pain, crying, regret, remorse, anger, frustration, and hardship from all 5 adults, all the teenagers, and even the little kids were suffering. Everything went wrong for them and when they finally got there, they all hated it, then the episode ended. I feel physically ill.
Fuck you, America. If this man wants to love and take care of a family with 4 wives in it, and love and raise all his children, why the fuck can't he do so in peace? If a man wants to devote the rest of his life to another man, who the fuck's business is it to tell him he can't? Same for women, same for every fucking citizen of this country who is SUPPOSED TO BE LIVING IN FREEDOM. But none of us are actually free. None of us.
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Can't sleep. Going to update for once in a century. [May. 24th, 2011|01:46 am]
I always say I'm going to get back into posting but I don't! And it's a shame because if I don't keep a record of my life, then there won't be anything to look back on, and I love to look back on old posts and do some memory-surfing from time to time. Ah, c'est la vie.

Life right now is... good, somewhat stagnant, a little aggravating. First of all, my health -- still don't know if I have Grave's Disease or what, but hopefully will know by the end of June, after I meet with a team of endocrinologists. Until then, things with my hyperthyroidism have been alright, except for recently. I know a ton of people, particularly Americans, have said this throughout time but -- IF YOU DO NOT HAVE HEALTH INSURANCE, YOU ARE NOT A HUMAN BEING AND WILL NOT BE TREATED AS SUCH. Period. When I was actually in the hospital, I thought my treatment was alright. I really didn't have any complaints, except my room being way too hot, lol. But now for my aftercare, I am being completely shit on by the system. I'm going through a whole debacle with my prescription right now, and hopefully it will all be resolved when I go to the general medicine clinic tomorrow. But honestly, there's nothing worse than the county medical system, and that's a fact. I tried resolving my problems with them over the phone today, and got transferred to a million different departments. I even got transferred to ANOTHER PATIENT. Yep. Me and some dude, both desperately trying to reach the pharmacy before realizing neither of us was a healthcare professional. We had a little laugh about it, so I guess that was an up-side. But goddamn.

 As for my job, I now work retail, which I said I'd never do again, but at a very cool place, called American Science and Surplus. The store and merchandise are awesome, of course -- much of it is ever-changing, quirky, or rare, and we never know what we might get each week when the shipment comes -- but what makes this job great is the people and the environment I get to work with/in. All my co-workers are smart, first of all, which is unprecedented for me. They're all very laid back and quite funny, all with really distinct personalities. I have learned a LOT in the short time I've been there, especially about mechanical parts, electrical parts, telescopes, and shit like that. There is always a New York Times in the bathroom and when we're not talking about internet memes, we're generally teaching each other random facts or having intelligent discussions about real world things. It's great. There's a minimal dress code which hardly anyone follows, we listen to whatever music we want, we roller skate in the store, play catch with customers, and can create or build anything we want using the items we sell in the store. It's retail with a purpose and when customers leave, I often feel like I truly helped them. The store has some hardcore fans, too. I'm always joking that there needs to be an AS+S support group. Anyway, the pay is total shit and that's a pretty big downside, but it's close to my apartment. I look at it as an overall quality-of-life issue -- do I like my job? Yes. Do I hate waking up every day and having to go to my job? No. Can't ask for much more.
And lastly, my home life/personal life. Home life totally blows. Living in the living room of my dad's apartment wouldn't be so bad, if the two people I lived with weren't so batshit crazy. My dad's alright. He's very sweet and supportive, always tries to do what's right for us as a family, and has good, pure intentions. But he can tend to have unrealistic expectations, be extremely hypocritical, as well as hypercritical, has some anger problems, and is often unreasonable, not to mention a complete pushover when it comes to... -sigh- ... Jordan. My brother is, without a doubt, the worst, most toxic thing in my life. We definitely have our good days. Sometimes we can go weeks at a time with a seemingly normal, healthy relationship. But when he turns on you, it's a whole different story. He inherited rage issues from my dad and has always shown them as long as I can remember. You never know when he might snap, or what might piss him off. It seems like he wants to have a good relationship with me, but when he's angry, it makes me think that all the times he shows kindness to me are simply so he can get something from me later. Even if I'm not fighting back, Jordan will target my biggest insecurities, then say the most vicious things he can think of, seemingly without regret. Occasionally he does apologize afterwards. He knows that I have very thin skin and won't really fight back, and tries very purposefully to hurt me, because he knows he can. It's easy to simply say, "He just wants to hurt you. Ignore him. Don't listen to him, don't let him bother you," but it's nearly impossible with some of the hateful things he says. It also really bothers me how he speaks to our dad. He has absolutely NO sense of respect, and will say anything to either of us, name-call, invade our privacy, and steal -- he steals money from my dad's drawer almost daily. My dad, as I said, is a complete pushover, and I really think he's afraid of Jordan, because Jordan punched him in the head during one of their fights and gave Dad vertigo -- true story! There's absolutely no follow-through or consequences for Jordan's behavior and so it's only getting worse. But I can't change my dad, or how he deals with Jordan, no matter how hard I try. The only thing I can do is get out. I have to get out of here, before Jordan absolutely ruins my life. 
But thank god, there is a counterpart to Jordan that saves me from falling into a desperate depression, and that's David. If all I had in my life was an apathetic father and cruel, spiteful brother who spends the better part of our time together trying to make me cry, I honestly don't know if I'd be able to live out each day. Luckily, I have David. Now, I know I have friends, out there in the world, and I know they'd be there for me if I reached out to them, but... sometimes I casually joke that I have no friends, because sometimes that's what it feels like. It's not anyone's fault, of course. We're all growing up and have jobs. We don't live very close to each other. Our schedules completely conflict. You go long enough without seeing any of the people you're accustomed to seeing on a regular basis and trust me, you do start to feel pretty friendless. And that's why I'm so glad that I have David. While Jordan is telling me how fat, how disgustingly ugly and unattractive I am, David shows me with every glance, every touch, that when he looks at me, he sees a beautiful, sexy woman. It doesn't matter if I'm wearing the most unflattering clothing or if my hair is a total nest (hell, he always says that he prefers my frizzy, crazy hair!), or if I do something embarrassing. It's like he doesn't notice those things. His love for me, his attraction to me, is one of the things in my life right now that I am most sure of, and it's indescribable how comforting that is. While Jordan tells me how I'm a loser, or a failure, David tells me how proud he is of me. He is selfless with me, and patient, and completely open, and it's insane how comfortable I am with him. 
Although, as a side note, I'm definitely trying not to let that comfort get in the way of my goals. Namely, my physical goals. I was actually pretty damn confident about my body before, but now that I am getting medical treatment, I have put some weight back on, and it's very apparent. I refuse to become the person I used to be and am now taking my health pretty seriously. I just haven't made any major changes yet... I need to figure out a work-out routine that's right for me, and I know it doesn't include going to a gym. There isn't one close to here, so I know I'd never go, even if I had a membership. That's just a fact. I've been trying to cut out, or at least cut way down, on pop. When I snack, I do so with sugar free candy. I'm trying to choose healthier meals but right now it's super inconvenient, and not a lot has changed. My dad does most of the shopping because there isn't a grocery store within walking distance and I don't have a car. Whenever I work, I usually eat a sandwich from 7-11 with some sort of side dish, be it macaroni salad or chips or something -- yeah, not very healthy. Another reason I hate my living situation is because I live with two men, thus the kitchen is pretty gross. My dad highly encourages (aka yells about) cleaning but Jordan is just terrible. He can't even throw out the wrapper when he eats something. He puts empty ice trays, empty orange juice cartons, empty everything, back into the fridge/freezer. I have literally never seen him wash a dish. EVER. He's so disrespectful of his living space and of my dad's wishes. Therefore, I have little to no motivation to cook or prepare my own meals, because the kitchen is such an uninspiring place. So we eat out quite a bit. Very unhealthy. Meanwhile, I want to possibly invest in a piece of exercise equipment because I truly, truly think I would use it. There's a huge big screen tv here in the living room, so why wouldn't I work out while I watched a movie after work each day or something like that? At first I wanted a treadmill but now I'm convinced I should get an elliptical machine. I really don't know, the whole thing is a confusing mess. I just want to be healthier, it's all I can think about.
So yeah! That's pretty much everything that's going on with my life, literally. XD
Will try to update more, but I probably won't. But maybe I will! Who can say?
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(no subject) [Feb. 12th, 2011|07:05 pm]
Job interview on Monday. Please, please, please. There are a lot of things that need to be made right. 
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(no subject) [Jan. 20th, 2011|11:42 am]
 Oh man, life. Oh man.

I spent an amazing week in Homewood that normally I would have LJ'ed about, but I didnt! But it was incredible and therapeutic, suffice to say. I was in a serious funk, feeling pretty lonely and friendless, but seeing all my girls reminded me that there are people that love me from afar and now I'm super happy! Also, Abby. Abby! She's so smart and big and beautiful! I love being her aunt more than anything.

Homelife has been up and down. Jordan is turning into a person that I don't like. We were friends for the past several years, but he's destroying our relationship with his nastiness, his impoliteness, his sarcasm and his heartless jokes. He's becoming a stereotype. A video gaming stoner in the worst sense of the term, whose feelings towards his own family are completely numbed. He's 100% selfish. All of his thoughts and actions are to further his own gains. It's sad, and I don't want to be around him.

My dad and I, our relationship has soaring highs and crushing lows. Everything would be better, my whole life would be wonderful, if I had a job. In the next couple months, BOTH of the other apartments in our building will become available for rent, and I could live in one! If I had a job. If I could afford to pay the rent and bills. My dad would probably assist with groceries. It would be fantastic and a huge comfort to know my remaining two family members were upstairs but out of my personal space. Hell, I sleep in the living room now. Not the best situation by any means. It forces me to live at David's house, which is not conducive to finding a job. An endless cycle. I just applied for a Gymboree job that I would be PERFECT for. I match all of their qualifications. But I doubt I'll hear anything back.

Meanwhile, I've wanted to write so badly. I started writing something, then realized it was uninteresting and poorly written and unorganized, and now I am discouraged. I've had this fascination with Renaissance fiction for a long while now and want to do something with it. I get these moments of incredible inspiration and then, out of nowhere, they vanish. After seeing Harry Potter 7.1, I had a very exciting idea for a fan fiction, but I have no fuel, no steam.

Anyway. Not much to say, not much has happened in my life as of late. My relationship with David is actually in a great place, so at least there's that. Need a job, need my own apartment. That's the goal, and it's all I can think about. 
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(no subject) [Dec. 18th, 2010|02:17 pm]
 I am seriously coming to a point where I am truly hating my brother, deep down. At first, living here brought us a lot closer, but now I am resenting him so deeply that I'm not sure I'll ever be able to forgive him. He is the rudest, most selfish human being on this earth! Every day I am faced with a new despicable example of his selfishness, his greed, his self-absorption, and it sickens me!

For example, today! (And keep in mind, it's only 2 pm, the day is young.)

Even after him being a total asshole to me for the past couple days, I offer to make him a sandwich today, while he's at his computer playing World of Warcraft.


ALRIGHT? Like I'm your servant and that will be adequate. Alright.

But I let it slide. I put care into making him a sandwich along with mine. Pick out the freshest of the vegetables. Add two slices of pickle and two cookies on the side. I just so happen to make all of this on some paper towel.

I bring it to him, and what does he say?

"Wow, have you ever heard of a plate?"

When I call him out for not saying thankyou, he says, "I was GONNA say thankyou!"

This incident is on the SMALL side of the scale of the disrespectful bullshit he pulls every single day. And it's driving me absolutely crazy. When I go to David's, I stay for longer and longer periods of time because of him. If I didn't have David, in fact, not to mention that I don't have a job, or school, or any refuge out of this apartment besides my boyfriend, I could see myself sinking deeper and deeper into a miserable, unending depression because of that sickening leech of a brother. 

Fuck him with a chainsaw three ways from Sunday. I'm over it.
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(no subject) [Dec. 15th, 2010|10:38 pm]
I was just thinking. There is a time in everyone's life when they suddenly gain all this respect for "adults." Because we become adults ourselves, and we see how freaking HARD it is. And they went through it once, and made it through in one piece. Well, not ALL adults... but those are the ones we still don't respect.

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(no subject) [May. 31st, 2010|10:57 am]
 Man. I am feeling the pain of nostalgia right now.

The person I am truly missing right now is my step-dad. I hardly think about him but out of boredom I found him on Facebook and realized how much I desperately miss him. He was definitely a father figure to me for years. YEARS! He was always there for me, always helping me. In a way, we really loved each other but never said it. I always wanted to get closer to him but it seemed too awkward or something. Still, we had a special bond and we really understood each other. And now I realize that my life, my heart, has a pretty expansive void without him in it. With my mom gone, we have no real ties to each other and I guess we can't find reasons to stay in touch. And it makes me so damn sad.

I wish I could just be 17 again. I would kill for it. Everything was so simple. There were still people who took care of me. My friends were just a quick drive away and always home. There was no hunger, no cold, no loneliness, no struggle. I miss how I felt in high school. I miss those people. I miss having a family. And it sucks because I know I can never have those things again. I'm having trouble coping with the present.

Whew. I feel better getting that out, I guess.
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(no subject) [Apr. 17th, 2010|02:21 am]
Lots of activity at the homestead the past few days! I'm LOVING it. It's giving me dorm nostalgia, of the constant ebb and flow of people. The coming and going, the random spurts of community. So awesome. It also makes me think of Alex, and when he lived here, and when he hung out in my room every day. Sometimes I just want to leave my door open, and I want someone to walk in.

I hope it's like this all summer.

I've had this Livejournal for 6 years, and I often go back and see what I had posted on that exact day, so many years ago. It's crazy to see how much things have changed. How I used to write and what I'd write about. How I felt about life. It's really nice to have those entries to look back on which makes me regret that I don't do that anymore. Holly wrote about how she used to post all the time and how there were so many people commenting and so much LJ activity and I agree 100%. High school and early college was ALL about LJ. It was the Facebook of our time and that's where we found out what was going on with each other.

"So, yesterday, I went over to the..."
"Yeah, the water park, I read it on LiveJournal." 

But yeah.

I felt really, really good today. All the stress about not knowing what will happen with my job, with school, with my future, all kinda faded into the background. I love it here but I sorta miss David's house, too. His grandma takes care of us and it's really comforting. Plus his big bed and comfy futon and big HD tv help, but the pretty backyard swing and homecooked meals help more.

So yeah. Gonna try to jot down what I've done each day, how I'm feeling, whatever. If I can. I probably won't. But maybe I will. I need to take advice from Shaycarl. All my important life lessons come from the Shaytards.
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Hm. [Mar. 10th, 2010|10:43 am]
Last night, I had a dream that Holly, Bianca, Sarah and I all got a hotel room together. It's raining out and I mention how badly I want to go swimming in a swimming pool. The three of them just sorta quietly agree, then leave the room, and emerge from their respective rooms about 5 minutes later and all leave the hotel room together, saying bye to me. I figure they had somewhere important to go, but after a while started feeling lonely and curious about why they didn't tell me where they were going or invite me with them. So I turn on the hotel tv and find a channel that shows all the security camera feeds. Upon close inspection, I see that Holly, Bianca and Sarah are all at the hotel swimming pool, having a great time together. So first I cry, then I go downstairs and sit on the pool deck waiting for someone notice me, which no one does for a long time, then Sarah does. Everyone kinda looks at each other awkwardly and we all say nothing on the way back upstairs but I'm trying not to cry.

Later in the dream, we're all in class together and someone makes me a miniature pita sandwich.

Anyways. Is this dream symbolic? What is my subconscious trying to tell me?
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